-xXx- Computronium


I push the hotel lobby door, and I walk out into a cold evening. I do not know if I am chasing, or if I am running.

Out into the dim, gray evening. It’s snowing lightly. Flurries. Just the sky telling me that it is cold, but I know. The cold feels permanent.

I turn a corner, and run right into a man with white hair. I’m startled. I set my feet, and prepare to throw a punch but then I realize it’s not Rufus. Just a random older man, who says, “Watch it, asshole!” I think, “That’s not very Canadian of him.”  

He looks at the way I’m standing and says, “What, you want to fight?” I say, “No, no, my bad.” As I jog away he yells, “Watch your back! I’ll avenge that!”  It’s an odd thing for him to say, and I wonder if I heard him right.

The snow picks up. I’m only wearing a light jacket, so I duck into a bar. Inside, there’s music, and it’s rather full for being so early in the night. I think about a drink to bring me back from the brink so I sink onto a bar stool and ask the shrink for a Scotch, neat. The bartender nods and turns around to grab a bottle. As he does, his gaze lingers…

Lingers… behind me… and I wonder, what did he see? There is a mirror behind the bar, and I study it. What did he see?

I’m startled as the bartender bangs a glass down in front of me. He says, “You want to open a tab?” I shake my head and hand him cash.   

The bartender says, “We got a kitchen if you want food. Special tonight is Revenge, served cold.”

I say, “What?” 

The bartender says, “I asked if you wanted another Scotch.” I look down at my empty glass, but I don’t remember drinking it. Had I blacked out again? Already?

I nod, and I ask, “Did you say you had a kitchen?”  

Bartender says, “We got a kitchen, but the stove is broken. Everything has to be served cold tonight.”  

He brings me another Scotch. I sit at the bar, studying the mirror, thinking about how the blackouts are coming faster now. Will there be a time when I am no longer conscious at all? Will I just float along, remembering nothing, forgetting everyone?  

I pull out the Polaroid photo from my back pocket. The one I found on the hotel room floor, and I think, “what am I going to do about my friends?” Rufus and Anna want me. If I run, then maybe they’ll let my friends go. They want me. 

Then I think: No, they never leave loose ends. 

What I should do is hide, figure out how to free my friends. Rufus won’t hurt them until they have me. I’ll make a great plan, get my friends, and I’ll kill Rufus and Anna. That’s what I want, revenge.

But, without the Computronium, I stand no chance of making a plan.

Then, I realize I’m talking to a woman. She’s saying something. She says, “Buy me a drink?” I look at her and can tell right away that she’s drunk. Hammered actually. I shrug and say, “Sure.”

She sits down and says, “You know what you need?” I say, “What do I need?” I hear myself slur my words. Am I drunk, too? 

She says, “What you need is revenge. You… need revenge.”  

I was just thinking that. Had I said something to her about it?

I say, “Why do you think that I need … revenge?” 

She says, “Your aura. It’s all wrong.”

I say, “My aura?”

She slurs her words, “Your aura is all wrong. You need to set it right. I know these things.”

I say, “And… how do you know these things?”

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She says, “Magic. That’s how I found out my husband was fffucking our neighbor.  I divined it. Her name’s Grace.  That’s what happened to you, too, right? Your lady cheating on you?”

I say, “No, it’s not like that.”

She sways for a moment and says, “Oh. Who you need to get revenge against?”

I say, “I’m not planning revenge. It’s complicated. And, revenge isn’t the answer. There’s a saying… uh, ‘when setting out for revenge, first dig two graves.’ That’s not my plan at all.”

Drunk woman says, “Ah, that’s bullshit. Revenge is good for the soul. That’s why I’m here.”

I wait for her to continue, 

but she doesn’t so I ask, “Why are you here?”

She says, “My soul. It needs revenge. My husband’s been sleeping with our neighbor. Asshole. I want revenge.”

I say, “How are you going to do that?”

She says, “Fuck at least one guy tonight.”

I say, “At least one?”

She says, “As many as it takes.  Starting with you.” 

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The next thing I know, we are in a cab. Me and the woman. I panic. I blacked out again. Shit! I think, “no, I don’t want to go home with this woman. I don’t want to help her avenge her cheating husband. No.” 

But then I realize it’s morning. And the next thing I know, we are at the Casino. The cab pulls up, and the woman gets out, comes around to my side and opens my door. And, SeventyNine and TwoZeroEight are standing there.

They are paying the cab driver and thanking the woman. 

I stumble out, and SeventyNine puts his arm around me. The woman from the bar kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “I found your friends for you. Remember: revenge.  It’s good for the soul.”

SeventyNine steers me toward the Casino and says, “Thank you, officer. We’ll take care of him.”

Officer? I turn around to say goodbye to the woman, but she’s a cop, getting back into a cop car.  TwoZeroEight looks at me and says, “Good God you’re an idiot. You’re just lucky you spent the night in a Canadian jail.”

I say, “I did what?”

TwoZeroEight says, “Forget it. We have to leave. Rufus and Anna killed EightHundredThree.  It’s my mission to put each of those two maniacs in their grave.”


Written, Produced and Narrated by Hans Anderson