PAIN | eXclusivOR 2.1
When I saw the "Hurt" Johnny Cash/Logan movie trailer I really liked it, and when I was writing this, it was just after the first recording when I was beaten by Fishburne. So, I decided I wanted something with that vibe... but I got shy with it and didn't really go for it hard enough. I really regret this, but it was tough to pull off. "Hurt" is mostly an acoustic guitar and Johnny's emotional singing. And, with just audio, I couldn't lean on the painful "Logan" images from the movie. Ugh. I should call this one "Regret". I needed to convey more emotion, like Johnny did so well. I needed less information, or it needed to be twice as long... Yeah, it just needed less information.
Pain.
I'm in a hospital because I'm in pain. I'm in pain because, few days ago, Sam Fishburne beat me to a pulp.
In broad daylight.
On a city street.
In front of a gleeful crowd.
While my hands were tied.
And it was me they arrested.
I was under arrest,
over-medicated,
on my back,
in a hospital,
out of options,
above everything,
I wanted out, to be free!
Inside I was nervous.
Aristotle wrote "He who has overcome his fears will truly be free."
Besides fear, I was going to need to overcome a handful of FBI agentsand the restraints that chafed my wrists.
Agents were everywhere. The hospital was crawling with them.
One day, one of them came in my room. Walked right in and said, "Hey, that dude who put you in here, Fishburne, he's a piece of work."
I said nothing. Figured the agent was just trying to get me talking. Get me to say something.
The agent proceeded to pull out his phone, tapped the screen a couple of times, and held the phone so I could watch a video.
It was me, in the video. You could see me laying on the sidewalk, knocked out, lifeless.
Fishburne was yelling, "I'm making a citizen's arrest!" Over and over he yelled it. "I'm making a citizen's arrest!"
He yelled it, and each time he kicked me. He yelled it even though there were like, a dozen cops and agents there who could have made an official arrest.
Two cops were pulling Fishburne off of me. But he broke away of their grasp and continued the barrage. Laying in that hospital bed, I could almost feel the blows all over again. When I still didn't talk, the agent explained, "Apparently Fishburne thinks that he's helping us, the FBI I meanand can use his rights as a private citizento skirt around people's civil rights. He calls himself a Citizen 1811 Special Agent. There's no such thing, of course. He's just a regular ol' lunatic."
I still said nothing to the agent, but after the video ended, the agent leaned in and whispered, "between you and me, Fishburne is wacko with a capital O." I laughted. Ooo, laughing hurt. Despite myself, I kind of liked this agent. He was young, the world in front of him. Full of life, optimism.
Please rate and review: Apple Podcasts, Google Music, Spotify
Behind a keyboard, you feel anonymous, invulnerable. But we all know, you aren't. Not really. Have I been good about covering my tracks? Did I tunnel through enough different countries? How risky was using Tor, really? The stressful part is what you don't know. And not knowing what you don't know. And not knowing how close they really are to catching you. I had to fight to keep the panic down. This is all because of Exclusivor. She got me into this. Exclusivor got me into this. Exclusivor has got to be my ticket out. She has got to be my ticket out.
Behind a keyboard, we feel invulnerable, anonymous.
But we aren't. Have I been good enough? We will soon find out.
We will soon find out. If someone can link me to even one thing I've done. One thing, leads to all of the things. And then, I'm in for good. In forty years, I'm carving my name on the rafter next to Brooks'. It was never supposed to get this real for me. Lita and Stoney didn't deserve this, either. And, where was Exclusivor? How did she get away? The stressful part is what you don't know. And not knowing what you don't know. Even if I did get out of this mess. What is my life like anymore? I was going to be something, I was going to help the world. I was going to be important. I need to make some changes. It better not be too late to make some changes.
There isn't even a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hell, there isn't even a tunnel.
Robert Frost said you can sum up life in three words: It goes on.
I hope so. I hope it does. I hope it goes on. I hope so.