TICK TOCK | eXclusivOR 2.4
This is my favorite recording from this season. I just love the musical hook here, and the energy, and the snark. I’d like every third piece I produce to have this vibe, though I wouldn’t want them all to be the same exact sound.
Tick, tock. It was about time.
Yesterday Exclusivor came into my hospital room
Said she was my lawyer
She hacked my guard’s phone
She told me she’d get me free
Today, she did it. And, it turns out, just in time.
I was watching The Price is Right
My restraints – straps around my wrists – prevented me from even scratching my nose
And it drove me crazy
My meds weren’t working at all
I was clear-headed, but wishing badly for some morphine
Something for the beating Sam Fishburne had given me three days before
The agent guarding me got a call on his phone
He answered, then said, “No way.”
Then he said, “No sir, I don’t know anything about that.”
He ended the call and looked at me and said,
“Someone stole that video from my phone. The one of Fishburne beating you. It’s gone viral.”
He stared at his phone and said to me, “Did you hack my phone?”
I lifted my arms as high as they would go, about six inches and said,
“Benson, how could I hack your phone while sitting here strapped to the bed, no computer or anything?”
The agent looked at me sideways.
I wasn’t telling him, but I knew how it happened
Yesterday Exclusivor had Airdropped him a metasploit payload disguised as a porn video and the agent had stupidly accepted it
It was really a reverse shell. She had total access to his phone.
Exclusivor easily grabbed that video
And, everything else on the phone.
Which explains how she got the agent to unlock my restraints and let me leave the hospital.
So, here’s how it happened.
Exclusivor walked in my room, still playing that she’s my lawyer
She handed a large envelope to the agent
She said, “open it.”
The agent did, then he took out what appeared to be photographs
His face went white
He said, “Where did you get these?”
He knew where: his own phone
Exclusivor said, “Never mind that. If you don’t want your wife seeing those, you’ll do as I say.”
The agent straightened. He said, “Screw you! That’s blackmail!”
I thought: Blackmail – Exclusivor’s good at it
Exclusivor said, “Your call. You already know that beating video has gone viral. In seven minutes, the rest of your phone goes viral, too. Your wife gets those photos, and your boss Special Agent Jackson gets a zip of all your emails about him and how much you think he sucks. It all happens automatically, if I don’t stop it. Arrest me, and nothing can stop them.”
The agent said, “Wait, wait, wait. Wait.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Wait.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Wait.”
Exclusivor just stood there, looking professional in a dressy mini-skirt, hair in a tight bun and wearing thick black glasses. Smokin’ hot.
The agent said, “What do you want?”
Exclusivor said, “Tell Sean where you were sending him on Friday.”
Benson looked down and said, “Spain.”
I was like, “Wait, really?” Exclusivor was telling the truth about being extradited to Spain? No hearing or anything?
Exclusivor then said, “Unlock Sean’s restraints, help him get dressed.”
The agent said, “Okay, but that’s it. That’s the whole deal, right?”
Exclusivor said, “You have six minutes.”
The agent fumbled for the keys saying, “Now, hold on.”
Five painful minutes later, I was dressed
There was one minute left
Exclusivor said, “Okay, now we walk out of here.”
The agent said, “No, I can’t do that. That’ll cost me my job. That’s too much.”
Exclusivor raised her eyebrows and said, “the clock is ticking.”
The agent looked like he could actually see a clock ticking
In my brain, I could hear it too, Tick Tock
The agent said, “at least tie me up or something.”
Exclusivor said, “Time is up.”
Then, the agent cracked
He said, “You hacked my phone and you’re blackmailing me. I should arrest you right now!”
I actually felt bad for the guy.
Just a smidgen
Been there, dude. Yeah, I been there.
He reached for the backpack he had with him and pulled out handcuffs
He said to Exclusivor
“I’m arresting you for blackmail.”
Then his phone rang.
It was his wife.
He saw the caller ID and I thought he was going to kill me
Get in line, dude.
But, he answered and said, “Hey babe.”
He listened for a moment then said,
“Baby, what photos? I don’t know what you mean.
Baby, it’s probably photoshopped.”
The agent looked panicked and stepped into the bathroom to talk to his wife privately, still pleading with her.
Exclusivor had ruined my life without flinching.
Now she’s ruined this guy’s life to save mine.
This is why Exclusivor is famously ruthless
She always finds a way to pull off the hack.
And usually destroys someone in the process.
We walked out of that room and took the back stairs down to what I thought would be my freedom.
But we ran into Sam Fishburne in the parking lot.