PAIN | eXclusivOR 2.2

-xXx- eXclusivOR

When I saw the “Hurt” Johnny Cash/Logan movie trailer I really liked it, and when I was writing this, it was just after the first recording when I was beaten by Fishburne. So, I decided I wanted something with that vibe… but I got shy with it and didn’t really go for it hard enough. I really regret this, but it was tough to pull off. “Hurt” is mostly an acoustic guitar and Johnny’s emotional singing. And, with just audio, I couldn’t lean on the painful “Logan” images from the movie. Ugh. I should call this one “Regret”. I needed to convey more emotion, like Johnny did so well. I needed less information, or it needed to be twice as long… Yeah, it just needed less information.


I’m in a hospital because I’m in pain
I’m in pain because, few days ago,
Sam Fishburne beat me
to a pulp
in broad daylight
on a city street
in front of a gleeful crowd
while my hands were tied

And it was me they arrested.

I was under arrest,
on my back,
in a hospital.
out of options
above everything, I wanted
out, to be free!

inside I was nervous

Aristotle wrote “He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.”
Besides fear, I was going to need to overcome a handful of FBI agents
and the restraints that chafed my wrists

Agents were everywhere
The hospital was crawling with them
One day
One of them came in my room
Walked right in and said
“Hey, that dude who put you in here, Fishburne
he’s a piece of work.”
I said nothing
Figured the agent was just trying to get me talking
Get me to say something
The agent proceeded to pull out his phone,
tapped the screen a couple of times,
and held the phone so I could watch a video.
It was me, in the video
You could see me laying on the sidewalk,
knocked out,
Fishburne was yelling
“I’m making a citizen’s arrest!”
Over and over he yelled it.
(mocking)”I’m making a citizen’s arrest!”
He yelled it, and each time he kicked me
He yelled it even though there were like, a dozen cops
and agents there who could have made an official arrest

Two cops were pulling Fishburne off of me
But he broke away of their grasp and continued the barrage
Laying in that hospital bed,
I could almost feel the blows all over again.
When I still didn’t talk, the agent explained,
“Apparently Fishburne thinks that he’s helping us, the FBI I mean
and can use his rights as a private citizen
to skirt around people’s civil rights.
He calls himself a Citizen 1811 Special Agent,
There’s no such thing, of course
He’s just a regular ol’ lunatic.”
I still said nothing to the agent,
but after the video ended, the agent leaned in and whispered,
“between you and me, Fishburne is wacko with a capital O.”
Ooo, laughing hurt
Despite myself, I kind of liked this agent.
He was young, the world in front of him.
Full of life, optimism.

Foley sounds of being hit, “Citizen’s arrest!” 2-4 bars

Behind a keyboard, you feel anonymous, invulnerable
But we all know, you aren’t. Not really.
Have I been good about covering my tracks?
Did I tunnel through enough different countries?
How risky was using Tor, really?
The stressful part is what you don’t know
And not knowing what you don’t know
And not knowing how close they really are to catching you
I had to fight to keep the panic down
This is all because of Exclusivor
She got me into this
Exclusivor got me into this.
Exclusivor has got to be my ticket out.
She has got to be my ticket out.

Behind a keyboard, we feel invulnerable, anonymous
But we aren’t.
Have I been good enough?
We will soon find out
We will soon find out
If someone can link me to even one thing I’ve done
One thing, leads to all of the things
And then, I’m in for good
In forty years, I’m carving my name on the rafter next to Brooks’
It was never supposed to get this real for me
Lita and Stoney didn’t deserve this, either
And, where was Exclusivor? How did she get away?
The stressful part is what you don’t know
And not knowing what you don’t know
Even if I did get out of this mess
What is my life like anymore?
I was going to be something,
I was going to help the world.
I was going to be important
I need to make some changes
It better not be too late to make some changes.

There isn’t even a light at the end of the tunnel
Hell, there isn’t even a tunnel

Robert Frost said you can sum up life in three words: It goes on.

I hope so.
I hope it does.
I it goes on.
I hope so.